Excuse Me While I Freak Out

There are some big changes coming our way! And no, I'm not pregnant. Let me preface this post by saying all the freaking out I'm doing I have brought upon myself. There is no one else to blame. It all started a few weeks when my visiting teachers A and L came to visit. We were talking about substitute teaching & how I wanted to start subbing a few days a week. Then A says to me "Well, you don't even want to look on the district website" and I said "Why?" She then told me there was an opening for a 6th grade Language Arts teacher at the middle school. The deadline for applications was the next Friday. Of course, I had to go online and look at it. Then I had to print out the application. I waited for the deadline to pass and turned the application in on Tuesday and I was sure I didn't get it since 1) my application was late and 2) I hadn't heard from them in almost a week since my interview. But low and behold they called yesterday and offered me the job! I immediately called Blake crying and freaking out and he says "Well, if it's not going to make you happy don't take it" to which I replied "I don't know what's going to make me happy!" And that is the honest truth. I have felt so unbelievably lost these past 11 months. I loved, loved teaching. Even after a year of being away from the classroom I still think of lesson plan ideas and dream about school. But on the other hand I love, love Brooke and being home with her. I feel truly blessed that I was able to spend the first year of her life giving her my undivided attention. Now maybe, as selfish as it sounds, I need to explore this option that has been presented to me. It's only for the rest of the school year. If it doesn't work out, I just won't come back next year. My other visiting teacher L kindly offered to watch Brooke for me so I don't have to take her to a daycare. L's kids are all in school all day so Brooke will get that one on one attention. And thankfully Blake has a schedule that will allow him to also watch Brooke a few days a week. In fact, he's switching to a shift after Thanksgiving that will make it so Brooke will only have to be at L's house half days.

This has all come about very suddenly and I couldn't even sleep last night because my brain was going a mile a minute. As guilty as I feel about leaving Brooke, I feel even more guilty that I think I might actually like working again. I am one of those weird people that thrive in chaos. In the midst of stress is when my performance is the best. I'm looking forward to being challenged and organized. And if any profession lends itself to family life, it's teaching. Already the school year is half over and Christmas Break is just around the corner. Throw in the holidays and breaks spread across the rest of the year and summer will be here before you know it! Wish me luck!